Roman is 5 months!

Dear Booger,

You are now five months old. I can't believe it! Who are you now? Well you have zero patience and tend to scream when you lose it (you get that from Daddy). You also get VERY cranky when you're hungry (you get that from me). You have discovered your voice and you can be LOUD! There's lots of new sounds coming out of you and they're so stinkin adorable!! But mostly you smile. Your smile is like every cliche song out there.

When I see you smile
I can face the world, oh oh,
you know I can do anything
When I see you smile
I see a ray of light, oh oh,
I see it shining right through the rain
When I see you smile
Oh yeah, baby when I see you smile at me

And it's not just Mommy and Daddy who feel that way. You light up the lives of everyone who sees your smile. And your laugh? Wow it really IS the most precious sound in the world.

At your well baby check up you weighed 16.5lbs (80%) and you are 26.73inches (91%). You are a healthy baby! You are starting to teeth so you drool ALL the time (like soaking through clothes kind of drool). We have to keep a bib on you always now. Some nights it has bothered you but some tylenol and teething tablets have worked so far. We've also now bought Ora-gel but haven't tried it yet. You are also eating baby food now. As of your five month birthday you have had (on top of rice): green beans, peas, carrots, squash, and sweet potatoes. You love it all except the peas which you only tolerate. This weekend we start fruits. :-)

The biggies this month were of course Christmas (which was amazing) and your first fever. The weekend before Christmas you started running a fever but after a couple doses of tylenol and lots of rest it went away. However that night while Daddy was bathing you and washing your ears you began to scream like we've never heard before (and boy- we've heard LOTS of screaming from you!) I finally got you to sleep but you were back up by midnight in pain so we took you to the hospital just to be safe. We thought you might have an ear infection but after a few hours waiting in the german hospital we were told you just had a lot of congestion which was probably making your ears tender. So good news was no infection, bad news meant no way to fix it! The next day you slowly perked up as the day went on and by the day after you were back to yourself.

Today you went to visit your new daycare classroom (or school as I call it with you). You met your teacher, Mrs. Martina, and a few of your classmates: Calista, Shambre (?), and Kevian. You didn't mind staring at them and smiling and they gave you some pats on the head but you didn't like it when you saw another baby in the excersaucer- you wanted in there! You were also not so sure of Mrs. Martina holding you when two of the babies started crying. Overall though you were super excited and trying to move as best you could. Daddy and I think you will be crawling in no time- especially watching all those other kids. You start daycare next Monday. I'm so nervous for you but I know you'll be just fine.

I just want you to know how much Mommy and Daddy love you. You are the best thing that has happened to us. We both smile when we look at old pictures and videos of you but we're not sad to see you grow. We are so excited to watch you change. We love you son.

Love,
Mommy and Daddy

Roman at 5 Days old:


Roman at 5 Weeks old:


Roman at 5 Months old:


Other highlights from this past month:

First sickness:


Daddy snuggles:


Christmas break:


Shirt from Yaya:

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I FINALLY read a book!

At least I finally read a book that had nothing to do with parenting or teaching! I borrowed a book from a friend and spent a couple of car rides reading it one day (I miss that). I also spent 2.5 glorious hours finishing the book in bed after the baby went to bed. MAN I miss that! I haven't read for pleasure in....how old is the baby?...oh yeah FIVE MONTHS!!

I read "The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner" by Stephenie Meyer. If you read Eclipse then you already know the ending to Bree but still the book is great! I found myself engrossed and praying that she wrote a different ending.


Another great book by Stephenie Meyer is "The Host." I wasn't so sure about this book and almost gave up after the first 3-5 (can't remember now) chapters but a friend encouraged me to hang in there and it was great!!


I need to read more often....maybe this summer after school is out LOL.

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Roman's first Christmas

There won't be another "First Christmas" for Roman. This was it. It was good. Great.

The day before Christmas I helped Gadi make his first gingerbread house...or attempted to anyways. Thank God he's two and doesn't care!




He didn't want to claim it!



My side...


Gadi's side (note to self: don't use marshmellow fluff!)


Christmas Eve was spent in the kitchen for Mommy but somehow that just felt right. I made homemade cinnamon rolls, two homemade pumpkin pies, 4 batches of homemade cookies (are you catching the homemade part? This girl cooked FROM SCRATCH!) plus chex mix and mudbuddies! Part of the time Roman "cooked" with me. He sits in his bouncy seat on the kitchen floor and babbles to me and chews on his links and watches the bubbles in the aquarium. I just talk to him about what I'm doing and respond to his babble as if he were really answering me back. Someone driving by wouldn't see Roman so it'd look like I was the crazy lady (in a Santa apron) talking to herself. That's cool. He's the best helper in the kitchen.









After Roman went down for his morning nap I took a brief break to watch part of "The Christmas Story" (oh Ralphie...I miss you on TNT!) with my hubby. Before it could end though our dear friends (or my "Germany Family" as I call them) called and Gadiel had sliced open his finger down to the bone. They needed to go to the ER so they dropped off my favorite two year old, Gadi! He helped make the chexmix and mudbuddies by pouring in each cup of cereal and all the other ingredients I measured out for him. He added his own flavorings by sampling items and putting them back in the bowl. Oh and flying his helicopter and driving his Thomas Tank in the cereal. He helped stir it all up and did so well at following directions (like "clean that up please" or "no give Keekee the spoon back"). After cooking I laid him down for a nap then laid mine down for a nap and made the cookies. Gadiel returned with two stiches but he was still smiling. I wish I had pictures of Gadi and I cooking. Oh well. Next time!

The afternoon was filled with more baking and getting ready for church. Then I made homemade (!!!) tortellini alfredo, bread, and asparagus for our family dinner. My hubby went all out with our crystal candle holders and glasses. He dug out the folding table (our downstairs is too small to hold our dining room table AND our desk so desk won) and table cloth. We turned off the light and ate by the light from the candles, the garland and tree lights, and our amazing fireplace DVD (you MUST have one if you don't have a fireplace!!) I even had Roman in his high chair playing next to us and smushed up some aspargus to feed him.







After our beautiful (and yummy if I do say so myself) dinner we ventured out in the "blizzard" for church. It was beautiful. Since I started reading my favorite blog this summer, while pregnant with Roman, I have been dreaming of taking pictures at the candlelight service (www.kellehampton.com) and I finally got to do it! Most turned out blurry since I don't know how to take a good picture without the flash (help!) but I got a few keepers. Behold my amazing boys.









After returning home and reading Roman "The Night Before Christmas" Matt and I got to play Santa for the first time. We put together Roman's house and rearranged gifts under the tree to make them more appealing to the eye. We watched half of "It's a Wonderful Life" and argued over who was going to bed last (and thereby seeing what they got in their stocking). Matt won.





Christmas morning we both took Roman downstairs and gave him his bottle and joked about not peeking. We finished It's a Wonderful Life then got to unwrapping! Roman was very entertained by the santa head on the top of his Reeces tube. Oh and the bows. We thought we were filming it all to only discover that 12minutes into it our memory card was filled and it shut off. Ho hum. It was still awesome and I know it will get better with the years!







Our Germany family came over for breakfasts and the kids exchanged gifts. Then we took a "nap" break and the adults shoveled their own driveways (fun...not. nothing romantic about a white christmas Bing you liar). Then we went to their house for lunch and met up with more friends for the adult present exchange. After playing around we came back over to our house for Christmas dinner. I'm telling you I was SO exhausted! And Roman was totally overstimulated and just done. He refused to take his long naps so by 7pm he was out. I, however exhausted I was, still stayed up to midnight messing around with my new toy (oh yeah, Mama got an iPad!)





Now I'm up to midnight for the third night in a row and my body is screaming at me and I can hear my husband snoring from downstairs. I may not recover. So I will leave you with some pictures of my beautiful snow baby. Good night!

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Nuremburg Christkindlmarkt

It's funny but I get inspired reading others blogs. I constantly think about blogging and what I'd write about this or that. At night I lay in bed and think it out in my head but never sit down to the computer. If only they had a contraption that I could just put on my head at night like a head band and it'd take that blog in my head and upload it for me- edited pictures included! Soon they will...scary.

Nuremburg (or is it Nurnberg? Are they different cities?! So confused) Christkindlmarkt or Weinachtsmarkt (or just Christmas Market for you Americans) was beautiful. It's like the largest one in Germany or Europe or the World...something like that. We (being my family, the Barreto's, and the Rodriquez family of five- three boys! Wow just realized we all had sons..no girls! Anywho) took the train there because Aixa and I had both been told how horrendous the parking was. Well little did we expect the train to be so horrendously crowded! And on a Wednesday afternoon! So the majority of the trip (hour and half?) we were standing by the doors. Eh. When you get there and follow the signs out of the train station for the Tourist Info booth you walk right into the Christmas market (but never hit the TI booth...).



I love her for loving my baby


My baby's first train ride!







It's hard to describe things like this. It just feels so...German. And in a good way. When I'm doing things like this I am grateful for this opportunity to be living so far from home and seeing things I'd never see in Texas. I also wish, every single time, that someone (ANYONE) from home would visit just so I could share this magic with them. Adri doesn't count since she's been to Europe 2x now. ;-) Love ya Adri.







And the stuff you can buy at these markets ranges from totally random to so beautiful and unique! I've seen booths selling spatulas (really?) and others selling handmade lace and glassblown ornaments. And I think about each and every one of you and what I'd buy for you. Then I look at the prices and do the conversion from Euros to dollars, shudder, and tell myself that you know I love you anyways! ;-)





We didn't try any new foods this time. Same ole steak sandwiches and brats and crepes but still so yummy.





My baby passed out about ten minutes into the market. It was chilly but not too bad and he was comfortably bundled in his snowsuit and riding in his stroller like a big kid *tear.* Just kidding. That stuff doesn't make me sad, I love it! I'm so excited for each new phase to come. Speaking of phases Matt and I watched videos from when Roman was teeny tiny and while most brought back smiles the one of him screaming during one of his colic fits shook me back to reality and thank God that he grew out of that!



Back to the market. We weaved through the streets, sampled food, looked at things we couldn't buy, and pretended to be photographers. The train ride home the Barretos and us were able to sit in one section together and the Rodriquez's were able to find another area to sit so we were all much more comfortable. Did I mention how much I love my friends here? We all just shared our kids all day and it was awesome. I would constantly be counting the R boys (1, 2,...where's 3? Oh there he is! 3 come back here!) and Aixa would have Jen's boy and Jen would have mine. And our husbands all love each other which is always heaven in couple hood.





Christmas post to come ASAP!

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Rothenburg Christkindlmarkt

Whoa look who's updating again so soon!! Today we went to our favorite German town Rothenburg ob der Tauber for their Christmas market. Rothenburg has many christmas stores all year long so we love going there. I'm sad that I never got Matt there this summer. Adri and I went our first summer here because I read about it in Rick Steve's Germany book and it was gorgeous. Matt's only seen it during winter which is also beautiful but in it's own way. Last year we never made it to the market so I've been very excited about going this year. The market was different than Schweinfurt's because while it is on the main square it also weaves through different streets. So far we haven't been too impressed with the merchandise for sale at the markets because it's either very random or ridiculously expensive but we did find a couple of stands in Rothenburg with great priced stuff. Very christmas-y and/or german-y! Matt and I shared a half-meter hotdog and I tried a Nutella crepe (yummy!). Tomorrow in Nuremburg we're going to get roasted chestnuts (we're taking our own creole seasoning to go with them though lol) and I'm finally going to try gluhwein (hot spiced wine). I was tempted to get a cup of fuerzanghenbowle (hot rum ran through sugar that's on fire!) but decided to go for the crepe instead. Roman slept through the market part but while we were enjoying warm doner kabobs he woke up and ate then we went back out and took some pictures before heading home. Surprisingly it wasn't very cold!

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Much needed update

Wow my early New Years resolution is to update more often! It will help that I have to update my classroom blog (if you want an invitation just shoot me a comment) weekly so I vow to at least update with some highlights. This is especially important since I tend to use this as Roman's sort of baby journal! Ok big highlights...
Started work. Week and half of prepping room (HUGE task as we had to clean out the old stuff, move in and unpack ALL brand new stuff, then organize it all!) and then three weeks of teaching. The kids are great. I've got a couple of pistols and LOTS of chatty cathys but every one of them is sweet. And one pistol and one chatty cathy just moved this last week so we'll see how the new year goes...I'm bound to get new kids very soon in our military school. I have a wonderful full time aide (Ty) who is a saint. I know this even more now after not having her the last week of school and doing everything solo. For my teacher friends: kindergarten here is different. We have full time aides yes but that's because they don't have lunchroom/recess monitors for kindergarten so the aides go with them to lunch and recess as well as going to the "specials" classes (PE and Host Nation for kinder. No music or art. Weird...) with them. So when there's no aide then the teacher goes to all of that with them so you have zero break all day long. Exhausting! Most days though I leave with a smile on my face and that's what counts.

Roman has been staying with his "Aunt Jen" for now but come January he starts daycare. Not super excited about that but at least the daycare is right across the street. Speaking of Roman he is recovering from his first illness. Yesterday early morning (1am to be exact) he started waking up at night which is weird for him. He's been sleeping through the night since he was 3months with the exception of a couple of days of growth spurt (babywise is the shiz. read it.) but that night he was up 1-2:30am, 5:30-7am, then awake for the day at 8:30am. We thought he was having another growth spurt so when he woke up for the day we gave him a morning serving of food. He's been doing rice at night since 3.5months but lately he's not been spitting alot of it out so we figured he's tired of the taste (or nontaste I should say). Anywho he's a week away from five months so we decided to start veggies. I wanted to start while we're both on vacation in case there's any major problems. So we gave him peas and cereal for breakfast and he was eating ok but then just puked it up. While I was cleaning him up I noticed he was hot and sure enough he had a 100.4temp (which for babies is considered a fever). He ran a fever all day until the evening after taking a long nap with Mommy in her bed. Then he woke up happy and playful for the first time that day (he had been sleeping on either Mommy or Daddy all day long). But then during his bath Matt was cleaning out his ears and he started wailing. And kept wailing while Matt was drying him and dressing him. He stopped (sort of) and Matt said it started while he was cleaning his ears so I went to look at his ears and when I touched the right one he began screaming again. Several times I tested and yup his ear was killing him. Since there was no more fever we decided to wait til morning to do anything but he woke up at 11:30pm and was still in pain so I gave him tylenol, fed him, then we went to the hospital. 2.5hrs later and no infection just pressure build up from being congested. So we get back home and Roman slept in his car seat for the remainder for the night (2:30-5:45am) woke up to eat and went back to sleep in his crib til 11am!! Then he woke and ate a 6oz bottle and a serving of peas and went back to sleep for another hour. His appetite definitely hasn't been affected by any of this. We've been fever free for almost 24hrs thank goodness but if his ear still hurts in the morning I'm calling our Dr.

In other news we've decorated for our 2nd German Christmas. We were supposed to be coming home but that didn't work out with the Army. Oh well we will be together and that's what counts. Matt and I are both on vacation for the next two weeks so we plan to visit Christmas markets and get much needed errands done this week (check up for Mom, refinance car so we can sell it and buy a new one!!, make our wills, deep clean this house, etc). Next week we plan to go to Berlin for at least one night, maybe two. I promise to update before the vacation is over!!

PS sorry this blog is so boring with its lack of pictures. for some reason the uploader HATES this blog! It works for my teaching one with no problem...weird!

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Sad part of work

So today was a rough day away from Roman. On one side I LOVED knowing he was in his own home hanging out with his Daddy but I just missed him so much. I was constantly wondering what they were doing. And then after I finally got home at nearly 5pm Roman was starving and screaming and would not give me a smile for nothin! Now I know how Matt feels when he comes home. I swear he did something to my sweet baby ;-) but now he also sees MY side when Roman can be great all day but it's just evening fussies. Even after eating he was sort of fussy and then he took a catnap on the way to the restaurant we went to for Matt's birthday but woke up right before the food arrived and only wanted to be walked around :-/ so we had to take turns doing that while the other shoveled some food in. So then we get home and it was time for night time bottle (8oz!!!!) and bed. I only got about 3.5 (not fun) hours with him and I feel so cheated. Next week will be so hard- first full week of work. I've only done 2days in a row up til this point. I really wish Matt could quit the army and stay home with him and just let me work. I'm game. Trying not to cry as I type this because Matt and his buddy (who are playing the PS3) will think I'm insane but once I get to bed I will let it loose. Or maybe it will start to leak now...Gotta run- nighty night!

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Ketchup continued

After returning home and getting back over jet lag AGAIN I began subbing at the elementary school 3-4 times max a week. A friend (love her!) keeps Roman when I get called in and I pay her part of what I make so we both can make a little extra money. I have already subbed in Kindergarten, first grade, and as a pre-K aide. This week and next I'm subbing in second. Getting back in the school that first day was amazing. I had really missed teaching and being away from Roman from 7:30-3 actually gave me time to miss him which made our afternoon/evenings much more enjoyable! And days I don't sub I find myself spending more quality time with him because I no longer have every day and want the most I can get. It's not the quantity but the quality. Some moms are home with their kids all day and do absolutely nothing with them! The kids entertain themselves or the computer/tv does it. Roman and I sing, read, talk, lay next to each other on his play mat and play, cook, fold laundry, etc together! I talk to him constantly. In fact my grandmother pointed out that he needed to learn to entertain himself as well so I've started trying to let him just relax in his swing or play on his mat instead of constantly talking to him. I do still like to be where he can see me though.

The newest thing we are doing is TV. Roman can't get enough of it! I have to keep a blanket over his portacrib to block it. We used to have his mat on the floor but no matter which way you turned it he would find a way to stare at the tv!! SO frustrating. And if he couldn't find it he'd cry! What?? Is this normal?! So now the blanket blocks it except when he's doing tummy time (10 mins maybe? about 3x a day) and then I let him watch Baby Einstein or Sesame Street (he is engrossed in Elmo- goes crazy waving around and grunting when he comes on. No one else! And he "talks" and laughs at the puppets on Baby Einstein!) because it keeps his head up longer otherwise he just lays it face down and cries until I move him (and sometimes he'll get so hysterical that I have to pick him up and it takes minutes to calm his screams!) I've also learned to do tummy time after he's rested from a feeding because not only is he full and happy it helps get extra burps out! We also work out his neck in his walker, jumper, or in the bumbo. He does like his bouncy more now and we use it to watch Mommy cook! :-)I probably stress waaaay to much over tv with him but research just doesn't know the exact long term effects! Maybe we have more hyperactive children now because of it? It's overstimulating to their little brains that we know but does it cause ADHD? Who knows but why risk it? Same with violent movies at this age. A) who knows if they have nightmares because of it :-( and b) maybe it turns them into psychopathic killers!! Again- why risk it? I definitely understand moms using the tv to entertain- I get it. Especially moms who are home ALL DAY and just want a break (boy do I get it)!! However I will be working and when we're home together I want family time. A good friend here that has moved limited tv during the week with her FOUR kids and I loved it! Another mom here that has FIVE boys and is home full time with 4 of them (the other is in school) limits to one show (mickey, barney, etc) a day and a movie a week. Moms are really in control and kids won't no any better. So one show a day (10 mins 3x a day for now with tummy time) then I would like Friday to be family movie night and we'll watch a kid movie together. We have TONS of Disney and Pixar movies and by the time he's old enough to watch we should have them all ;-) so we don't even have to worry about renting! And to use movies for special occasions like baby sitters, car rides, etc so that it's a bigger deal! Again overstressing I know... :-)

Ok more ketchup! I was hired as the new kindergarten teacher! The school has so many kids they need an extra class and I'm it :-) I start on Monday with organizing my room, etc and I guess I'll start actually teaching the following week (Thanksgiving week)? So subbing in 2nd tomorrow while Daddy and Roman hang out for Daddy's 25 (!!!) birthday while I sub and do some school stuff. Matt will be gone all next week in Graf for training so I guess we'll do some rearranging in the room this weekend if possible. Next week is going to be one stressful week for me so lots of prayers please! A GREAT friend is keeping Roman Mon-Thurs and another great lady (and becoming great friend ;-) is keeping him Friday but I will still have to pick him up by 3pm then take him BACK to the school with me to work some more until 5/6 or so then home for dinner, bath, and bed (and that quality time) then more work for Mommy! Prayers that I keep my sanity, Roman cooperates (and doesn't wake up at night!), and safety for Daddy :-)

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Ketchup!

So much has happened! Let's start from the very beginning (a very good place to start)...

Right after Roman's 2month birthday he and I traveled to the States. The trip went pretty smooth all things considering. We instantly got on a Space A flight (free military flights) to Baltimore however we arrived after the last planes had departed for the night so we had to stay the night in the airport and catch a 6am flight to Florida. It really wasn't that bad. The USO told me about a place called the Observation Deck which is where you can watch planes come in/out, kids play area, and art gallery during the day but it's closed to the public at night. However the airport graciously allows military members/dependents to sleep up there and a USO volunteer comes around every half hour to check on things and to keep things safe. It was dark (only emergency lights on), comfy- lots of chairs, benches, rocking chairs, there was bathroom up there, 24hr dunkin donuts right down stairs, and it was safe. I really didnt feel comfortable leaving the hotel with a baby alone and with all our luggage to only get a few hours sleep before having to be back at the airport to check in. turned out great! I didnt sleep of course because I had Roman in his portacrib and I was scared if I fell asleep someone could easily take him out and me never wake up (I was going on 24hrs but it really wasnt that bad). We flew to Miami then another hour layover then flew to Fort Meyers. Roman did beautifully on all the planes. I was nervous at first because as soon as we started taxing the runway when leaving germany my son decided to poo. and he does not like sitting in poo. so he screamed. and screamed. and of course i cant take him out of his seat mid take off so I just tried to talk to him loud enough for my neighbors to hear "Baby I KNOW you don't like being dirty. as soon as I can I will change you then you will be happy. soon you will be night night" but apparently the guy next to me didnt believe me so while i was in the bathroom he moved seats- haha! gave me an extra seat for Roman to stretch out in and more elbow room for me (he wasnt the smallest guy)! and i was right. Roman never cried. when he woke up i fed him, played, put him back to sleep :-) The miami flight he slept through the whole thing but the fort meyers flight he was awake and made the funniest faces during take off!! we had a great visit with our florida family. roman has LOTS of aunts and uncles there who loved him to pieces. we got family photos on the beach (even if they weren't the best without dad there to wrangle the kids to stay put and smile haha) which was my biggest wish! Grampy (my dad still hasn't chosen a name so this is what i call him) had to work and unfortunately didn't get to meet Roman but he chatted with him on the phone. great great great visit but boy were we jetlagged all weeek! and we were in the car all week because that's where wella lives during the day lol so by the end of it Roman was DONE with his car seat. I only got to spend one day at my "bi sister's" aka my stepmom's house but loved it! she made us yummy food and just loved on my baby then the next morning after getting all the kids ready for school and her off to work Roman and I just napped off and on all morning in her big comfy bed! I must add here that Roman had a "milestone" at Gigi's house- he went from size 1 to size 2 diapers!! my wella also made yummy yummy cuban food- "dirty clothes" (ropa vieja?) and the best refried beans :-) after spending way to much money (I think we shopped every day..) Roman and I flew to Dallas (he did great again!) where Adri picked us up!

Adri drove us to Longview where she spent the next two days with us. Nana and Yaya of course snatched up Roman from the moment we pulled up to the house and loved on him while Adri and I had girl time. We went out to eat with Nana and had yummy italian margaritas at Olive Garden, shopped, and caught a cheesy dollar movie "Vampires Suck" (I loved it!). We were supposed to do the state fair but the weather was yucky and rainy! It was so strange being away from Roman for so long!! and we were stopping by checking on him every few hours! I had to leave Adri alone for a few hours (she survived- she found a starbucks and studied hehe) while Grandaddy, Yaya, Roman, and I went to visit Mawmaw- MY great grandmother and Roman's great GREAT grandmother- at her new nursing home. We got an awesome five generation picture and I hope to get one again when Roman is older. We are blessed. The first night at Nana's I wasn't too sure about letting them take care of Roman during the night only because I worried that Roman would be confused and scared if he woke up to a stranger so I did the 1am feeding but when he woke at 5 I handed him over and passed back out. i slept through them coming in the room and digging through our suitcase three times because roman had his first "poo up the back" situation for yaya! and after she changed that he puked on her! so glad i was sleeping haha I was so so exhausted (Roman wasn't sleeping well in FL because of jetlag and because I could hear his every fuss and responded to him rather than let him cry it out despite wella telling me to let him) so since Nana sleeps in her living room anyways (and that's were yaya was sleeping for the visit) Roman's crib was set up in there with them and I got to sleep through the night for the first time in 2 months! longer really because last couple months of pregnancy i either wasn't sleeping or getting up every hour to pee :-) Nana also made my favorites and we even had Aunt Becky over one night for dinner- loves it! We missed Aunt Nancy who didn't feel well and didn't want to get baby sick (thank you! we love and missed you!) the trip was such a blur but one of the things that stands out is how instant Roman and grandaddy bonded! It didnt' shock me when pop and roman connected because i've yet to meet a kid that didn't with pop but grandaddy is...for lack of better word more gruff? (sorry if that sounds bad grandaddy!) ok now i feel like that makes him sound mean when he's not so for example it's like pulling teeth to get the man to smile for pictures- I have ONE of him from my wedding and that's because I said "You'd better smile" and so he made some joke and cracked us all up so while Nana and I are laughing like goobers I LOVE the picture because you see his smile! (so much like Matt!!) well EVERY PICTURE with Roman the man is smiling!! and Roman just cooed away at him all the time!!! one of my favorite pictures is them talking to each other and both smiling :-) Another fun memory is surprising my Tyler bestie Monica at Jalepeno Tree! She had NO IDEA we were in town and I conspired with her mommy and boyfriend to surprise her :-) we only had time for lunch because she has a busy schedule but like all true friends it felt like no time had passed and I know we will have a great reunion next summer. Roman and I also spent two days/nights at Grandma's house! Roman LOVES his uncles there and they loved him. we got to go see daddy paul at work and meet all the wonderful people who gave so much to matt when he was deployed this last time. grandma and the boys played hookey from school/work so we could spend a whole day together. oh another milestone! roman slept through the night two nights in a row (although he did go to 5am for Nana and had done that previously for me at about 7weeks or so? wow wish I had written it down now I can't remember!!)!! throughout this whole trip we never did anything spectacular- just stayed close to home and ate a lot and that's EXACTLY what I wanted/needed!!

To end the trip Yaya came back to Longview to pick us up and take us down to Houston.On the way we stopped so I could get fingerprinted for my teacher certification (yay it's official!!!) and we spent the night at her house. We went with yaya and hannah to Kemah (one of my favorite houston places!) and had joe's crab shack and to just see water (I miss water). the next day yaya drove us and the kids to a pumpkin patch for some quick (hot!) pictures before taking us to the other side of Houston to surprise Nanna!!! I had conspired with Nanna's sister, Aunt B, to get her there for the night and she had no idea we were there either. We came in the house and she screamed!! Then she gave me the LONGEST hug ever while crying! I couldn't believe that I got a hug first before she ever laid eyes on her grandson (yes Nanna- I felt special :-) Come to find out she hadn't planned on staying the night so we had to go to Walmart to get her and Aunt Jera some clothes and essentials for the night and next day- too funny! After some shopping with Nanna and Jera, Aunt B and Maxx we came back to eat yummy pizza and just more lovey time. Nanna (along with Yaya and Wella) HAD to give Roman a bath so she did (I was proud of myself for being so "flexible" haha it wasn't his normal bath night);-) I can't imagine holding a baby that looks like your baby! Although she said she saw me in him too (I dont- only Daddy). The next morning was...eventful HA. As I was coming down the stairs with roman I was being dumb and carrying way too much stuff (roman, dirty diaper, bottle, can of formula, box of wipes) and I missed a step thinking the landing was all one level and well the rest if fuzzy other than thinking "Dont drop Roman!!!" Yes we tumbled down half a flight of stairs but by the Grace of God we were ok. I got a nice bump on my head (which later turned to a black and swollen eye) but Roman and I both checked out fine to the paramedics. Roman didn't even have a bruise or scratch (don't tell me angels don't exist)! I don't remember much just worried that about Roman. they said they gave him to me to hold but i just remember him crying and wanting to know why. it probably wouldn't have hurt for me to go the hospital but i was out of it and thinking i wouldn't be able to fly home the next day ( i was ready to be back with Matt so bad by this point)- guess I was thinking about german hospitals which always keep you overnight! for some reason aunt b and uncle stu kept apologizing as if it was their fault (silly people- a klutz shouldnt carry so much down stairs)! Anywho Nanna and Aunt B took care of Roman all morning while I was in and out on the couch. I awoke at lunch time with a clearer (but throbbing head) told Matt about the incident (but downplayed it and left out the Roman part- no need for him to worry until he saw that we were ok) had lunch then we rode back to the south east part of Houston with nanna to meet up with Yaya for one last night. The next morning we went back to the airport to catch a flight to baltimore to hopefully catch a space a flight back to germany. i was so worried about that- being stuck in the airport solo with roman if i didn't get a flight- but no worries! flight there went smooth (had to transfer and hang out in charleston) even if tiring because they were so full Roman was in my lap. then we hung out in the USO (can I say AGAIN how amazing the USO is?! This is like the 4th time they have been a HUGE help to us!!) which had a family room complete with two cribs and two recliners (however he wasn't in a resting mood of course lol) and used the free internet, enjoyed free drinks and snacks (dinner of cup o' soup!), and just relaxed in much comfier chairs than the airport (for those of you who don't know the USO is run on donations so of course every time we use something we leave a donation). it was mildly stressful because roman did soak through his clothes just an hour after being changed so while in the bathroom I decided to go as well (roman in his stroller people) and turned out that my aunt flo decided to make a VERY visible visit :-( so I had to go BACK to the luggage room and dig out new jeans and go back to the bathroom (roman cried through all of this by the way). plus i had to wash all my bottles 20 minutes or so later (or hours...) of listening to screams while scrubbing clothes and bottles in a bathroom sink I finally got him fed and asleep. a lady had offered to hold him while i changed but come on- who would leave their baby with a complete stranger in a major international airport in a large city?! but i guess it was nice (weird...) of her to offer. it was also stressful when roman decided he wanted to be held (and let the whole airport know it) while waiting in line to check our luggage when I'm pushing his stroller and a luggage cart...and then in security line he decided he wanted a bottle but only if mommy held him while giving it to him- none of this holding it for him while he laid in the stroller crap! thankfully that has been the one and only time (knock on wood) that he's done that because phew is it hard! and lovely TSA policies aren't helpful when traveling solo with a baby (shoes off- and military requires close toed shoes- fold up stroller and get it on belt and get car seat on and upside down, lap top out of bag, water and formula ready to be tested- WOW! and all this solo. thankfully I had kind people ready to help each time but still- doing this with a baby strapped not so securely to your chest is exhausting). we finally got on a flight to germany at 11pm or so which was great- roman was beyond exhausted and screamed until we were in the air (they let me hold him during take off thank god because he was dozing while taxing and i think they didnt want to hear him scream anymore haha)and he slept the ENTIRE flight AND through customs and waiting for bags (like an additional hour and half for all that) and finally I woke him to feed him and get him on "schedule" Daddy was 2 hours late (but we love him) picking us up and was not happy when seeing my face (which had swollen severely and started changing colors at this point) but seeing how worried he was when he was physically holding us told me I did the right thing because it would have been worse in his imagination. we did some shopping at their mall and grabbed food before hitting the road. roman wasn't happy by the end of the car trip but all things considered he was AMAZING! At 2 1/2 months old he had been on 7 flights in 2 weeks and done COUNTless hours in the car all while changing 7hour time zone! So proud of my baby.

This trip was amazing and a blessing in disguise. It taught me that I am a better mommy when I get away from him some so I decided to go back to work part time (more on that later), that my expectations for myself were ridiculous and that was why I felt so depressed and like a "bad mom," that I love and appreciate my home and community here in germany, others can take care of roman (and he will survive!), i need to take care of myself and dress up more (adri and i were trying to figure out why we dress up for each other to go out to eat and shop but not for our husbands haha), that matt will party more if we aren't home (haha), not to carry so much down stairs especially when holding baby, and that i have an amazing family and roman is so blessed to have so many that love him! at the time of this trip I thought we would be back in December but not the case anymore (more on that later as well). Roman's colic seemed to become magically cured over this trip. is this because he just got older and grew out of it? because he stopped getting breast milk? mommy was less stressed? who knows! but it was a welcome relief. he had a few fits in FL but i think alot of that was jetlag- we had no major spit up moments (other than the one for yaya).

More to come later- that's only half a month!

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Total Slacker

Wow I haven't written in over a month! Roman and I have traveled the Atlantic,visited Florida and Texas, we've celebrated month 2 AND month 3, Mama's gone back to work as a substitute, and so so much more! But no time to update now- we're headed to Church then it's Halloween fun all day!!!

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2 month letter

Dear Roman,

Tomorrow you will be two months old. I can't believe it! We've had some interesting times in the short time you've been here. The day you were born is still burned into my mind. The first two nights home are also still (unfortunately) in there as well. Those were rough nights!

This last month we have been battling the dreaded C word- colic! At 5 weeks (the weekend of your dedication) you started crying for hours at a time. We could console you for about 5-10 minutes but the crying always started back up. Your sleep has also been sporatic. Some nights you go all night long while others you are up non stop. Daddy and I are doing our best for you and each other. It hasn't been easy but we are definitely stronger because of it. Some things we have tried: gripe water, moby wrap (you don't like being put down during the day), "shhhhhh" in the ear, swaddling, bouncing up and down, sleeping on our chests, your swing- all of these you like and work for you. You also don't like to be in the same place all day long- you get bored! You and I go to our friend Aunt Jen's house a lot of the times. You love her orange curtains! There were plenty of times (especially when Daddy was gone for two weeks for training) that I have had to lay you down in your crib, shut the door, go in my room and lay down. I also call Nana, Grandma, Wella- whoever answers the phone first- and just cry to them. I hate thinking about you being in pain (you have HORRIBLE gas and cry before you fart) and that I can't fix it. It's a feeling of pain and guilt that I've never experienced. Sometimes when you're crying I just rock you and cry with you and tell you it will all be better soon.

Every night Mommy and Daddy both kiss you good night and tell you we love you and we just stare at you. This last month we have also started your bed time routine. The time ranges between 8-10pm but is always the same. Every other night you get a bath, which Daddy does and dresses you those nights, but every night Mommy massages you and reads you a story. Some nights Daddy does story and sometimes we do it together alternating pages. Then we pray and I rock you to sleep. You love "Bye oh Bye oh" and now you've started liking "Here I am to Worship." I love singing and rocking you. At night I hate laying you down in your crib. Yesterday I even cried while rocking you because I can't believe how fast you're growing. I want to hold you all night long. I want so much for you. I want to keep you from all the bad things in this world.

New things you have started doing this month include rolling over from your tummy to your back, cooing, smiling LOTS, crying when I walk away from you especially in your swing, getting "excited" (legs kicking, arms waving, "panting") when you think we're about to pick you up (and crying if we walk away), and having INCREDIBLE head control- you're so strong! You push up on your arms and lift your head and look around (but only for a minute or so at a time). You prefer to play on your back than your tummy so you can see the world. You also like to watch tv and when I move you so you aren't staring at it (don't want you to be overstimulated!) you cry! It's so cute. Oh that's another thing you do- you pucker out that bottom lip every time you're sad and Daddy and I can't help but laugh. Daddy hates it but only because you make him feel so bad when you do it- it's SO cute!

So these last two months haven't been easy by ANY means. There have been many tears on both our parts (and unfortunately a few fights between Mommy and Daddy) but I wouldn't trade YOU for anything. You are beautiful. Stay small little one. Mommy (and Daddy) love you so much.

Love, Mommy

PS after reading this Daddy told me to add that one day you're going to make a great rock singer because your screams are already perfect and have racked his spinal cord a few times. Silly Dad!

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Forgiveness

A while ago I blogged about forgiveness. We had an amazing PWOC meeting and that was the focus. I had jotted down notes but what with giving birth and all I had forgot to blog the passages. We watched the Nooma video 007 Luggage by Rob Bell.

Romans 12:19
Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.
(you can't take care of it better than God!)

Proverbs 26:11
As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.
(Just because you are wronged over and over it doesn't mean you don't have to forgive. Forgive but keep distance with the person hurting you- don't be the dog!)

Matthew 6:14
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
(If you don't forgive others then you won't be forgiven by God. If you are still ill wishing the person then you haven't truly forgiven!)

Proverbs 15:3
The eyes of the LORD are everywhere, keeping watch on the wicked and the good.

Luke 6:37
Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

We worry about 90% of things we can't change and only 10% of those we can.

People say "I can't forgive them! You have no idea what they did- it was too bad to forgive them!" - well what if God said this to you??

Unforgiveness is like cancer for the person who can't forgive. It just eats away at you.

*And my favorite* "Unforgiveness is like drinking poison hoping the other person dies!" - Mark Gungor.

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Need to share

So I have a lot of new mommy friends and I feel like I need to share this just in case someone else needs to hear it to feel normal. Friday was a horrible day. The worst so far. It was so bad that i had to lay Roman in his crib, shut the door, go lay in my bed (in the dark) and cry. And call my godmother (at 5am her time). It was the first time I thought that I could now empathize with those women who hurt themselves or their babies. I never ever understood why women did that and I judged them so harshly but now I can understand the feeling. I don't understand the action because everyone has a choice- a choice to harm or a choice to walk away and talk to someone. I do not feel sorry for women who do harm. I just now have a better understanding of them. No I wasn't worried about harming myself or my baby- don't freak out or worry about me- I just started thinking "Wow. I get it now." And it was a scary thought. It was awful. I felt so so guilty and scared and alone. And what's weird is I'm not alone here! I have AMAZING wonderful and caring friends here. God has truly placed the best people in my life. But I still felt alone. I just needed my family or Matt (who was/is in the field). However at the time I was too scared to share these thoughts with my family (for fear they'd worry) and I still haven't shared them with Matt for the same reason. When he's home we'll discuss it because (like I'm sharing with you) I want him to know those thoughts are ok. And everyone has to just walk away from the baby for a little while. I know we all read that it's normal and ok but still I thought "Oh I'll never think that or be like that" but... I did/do. And today I was able to share that thought with two wonderful women who both reassured me in a noncondescending manner that they've been there and it's hard. But it's normal. And it does get better.

So for my mommy and soon-to-be-mommy friends even if you are too ashamed, scared, or embarrassed to share your thoughts or feelings just know that you are not alone.

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Roman's Dedication

So I never did post about Roman's dedication! That was the start of such a rough week with Roman and his tummy. It was amazing. Matt and I both agree that God sent us here to grow closer to Him. We were not what you would call religious people. I can't speak for him but I've always been spiritual but not one to go to church (minus my childhood summers with my Nana). Matt also said he had only been to church a few times as a kid (he only really remembers one Easter). However last year at our first marriage retreat we prayed together for the first time. We didn't even pray together when he deployed. I prayed for him but was too embarrassed? awkward? I guess to ask him to pray with me. We started eating dinner at the table and praying before hand more- we do NOT do this every night but we do it much more than before. We have also prayed together at night time and before major things and just when we needed it- like before Matt went to work during a stressful time. We have definitely seen God working for the better in our life (hello Roman!) and we have found a wonderful church family. Our very first church family. Downer is that with the Army they can't be our permanent church family. Roman won't grow up with these people knowing they love him. But we have them for now and we praise God for them! Anyways we never knew really how many friends we had in our church until we had Roman dedicated. The chaplain asked for our friends to come up and lay their hands on Roman and pray for him and we were so moved at how many came up there. It's an awesome feeling knowing so many are praying for your baby. When we go home in Dec. we are hoping to have Roman baptized in the church I was (Nana is working on that for us) and that way our family will be there and hopefully Roman's godparents.

"Masterpiece"
by:Sandi Patty


Before you had a name or open up your eyes
Or any one could recognize your face
You were being formed so delicate inside
Secluded in God’s safe and hidden place

With your little tiny hand and little tiny feet
And little eyes that shimmer like a pearl
He breathe in you a song and to make it all complete
He brought the masterpiece into the world

[Chorus]
You are a Masterpiece a new creation he has formed
And you’re as soft and fresh as a snowy winter morn
And I’m so glad that God has given you to me
Little lamb of God, you are a Masterpiece.

And now you’re growing up, your life’s a miracle
Every time I look at you I stand in owe
Because I see in you a reflection of me
And you’ll always be my little lamb from God

And as your life goes on each day, how I pray that you will see
Just how much your life has meant to me
And I’m so proud of you, what else is there to say
Just be the masterpiece He created you to be.

[Chorus]
You are a Masterpiece a new creation he has formed
And you’re as soft and fresh as a snowy winter morn
And I’m so glad that God has given you to me
Little lamb of God, you are a Masterpiece.

you are a Masterpiece.

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To Move or Not to Move...

So Matt (and the FRG leader/Commander) said to treat this field excercise as a test run for when they deploy...well I am now considering moving back home for the deployment. When we lived off post I said for sure I was moving back but once we got on post I was so much happier I decided to stay here. However the high of moving into a bigger place has worn off (it's bigger yes but the layout is annoying- no open spaces. Plus we REALLY need an extra room for all our crap). Anywho I haven't made up my mind 100% but I'm working on my pro/con list- feel free to add to it for either side! Especially those friends who have stayed in Germany (or Korea) during a deployment.

PRO:
Family help
Close Friends
I can work
Trusted Daycare (or Nana!) ;-)
Bigger apt/house (with AC and CARPET!)
Stores/food (esp. 24hr stores!!)
Cheaper things!
Space A to FL
Could house hunt in Ft Hood
Visit Houston on weekends
Better technology (CELL PHONE! DVR! CABLE!)
Used to deployment in TX
UT Tyler (may work? Get masters?)
Better winter
no more rations cards aka can buy wine when i want and dont need matt!

CON
Drama (sorry people)
Can’t travel more of Europe (but I think I would feel too guilty doing it without Matt anyways...and not comfy traveling alone plus with Roman)
Live apart 15 mo instead of 12(minus RR/Block Leave. But already used to that)
Away from unit/communication (but have FB)
Church family (that's probably biggest Con) :-(
Money? (may or may not make more in TX- need to check about COLA/BAH)
Weather (HEAT!) :-(
Time difference to Matt (in germany it's only 1-2hrs however we're used to that as well)
Have to move ourselves to new post from Longview (but he will reenlist to get forthood so we've done it before!)
Free daycare hours when deployed (but dont need if i have family)
people around me that truly understand (but we have skype and fb!)

So right now PRO list for moving home is bigger especially considering all of my CONs can be debated. Thank goodness we have time to figure things out!

Matt isn't thrilled about this idea (I think he's just jealous that I'd be back in the states lol) because he doesnt want to give up our house HOWEVER when he gets back from Afgh. he'll only have 3 more months before he PCSes to wherever (fort hood...) and one month will be block leave (and hopefully we'll be on a cruise and maybe London if we dont go before he leaves!) so he'd only have to live in barracks for 2months IF they wont let us stay off post with govt furniture (I lose command sponsorship if I move home). So the house thing to me isn't a big deal. Especially since I could get something nicer in the states. So a con would be we have to pay for us to move from wherever I live to wherever we get posted. HOWEVER if I find a place in Fort Hood and live there (4hrs is better than this!) then that eliminates that problem. What if Matt doesn't get Fort Hood as his next post you ask? Well he can reenlist for it- not something he's crazy about but I'm pushing for at least 2 more years since then Roman's college is paid for (when he gets out in 2014 he'll have been in 8yrs but you need to be in 10yrs for your child to get your GI Bill).

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Week from Hell

So Roman has been screaming off and on all day long for six days now (since the night before his dedication- the last post I wrote). Sunday night I tried switching him to soy formula but that didn't help. After a few days on the soy I took Roman to the Dr. We thought he was screaming because he was constipated (only pooped once mon and once tues- but that filled three diapers back to back while cleaning him) he screams right before farting (which he does ALOT. it's soo stinky.) and turns dark red and jerks his knees up and you can just tell by his eyes how much it hurts. However when he did poo it was loose like normal (except bright green) so that means he's not constipated just not pooing every day (they can go up to 2wks without pooping!!!) However Dr said I could try half an ounce of apple/pear/or prune juice in his bottle to get him going- but dumb mommy forgot to ask how often or when to stop. Gave him some when I got home and he pooped while eating! Don't know if it was a coincidence or the juice. But he still screamed all night. OH and he also has thrush so I have to give him drops in each cheek after feeding 4x a day. Anywho I decided to try a different routine where I bathe him and massage him BEFORE his bottle- never again. He screamed through the whole bath, massage, and dressing because he wanted his bottle (I woke him 30mins before feeding time but not enough). So after his bottle I give him the thrush meds however I must have done it too fast and I got the Vomit Volcano right in the face. It literally came straight up out of his mouth and spewed over like lava down a volcano. Over my freshly bathed baby and my clean pjs and the floor. Oh and some even got on my face (told you it came straight up). Roman just stared at me with these HUGE eyes that said "what the hell Mom? what WAS that?!" and just laid there in shock. I kept waiting for the scream to come but it took a min or so. I felt so bad but also found it hilarious- it shot up so far!! So after a wash cloth bath and changing him again (and LOTS more screaming) I got him to calm down and fall asleep listening to me reading Bambi. But he wouldn't stay asleep in his crib so I took him to his swing so I could pump. He ate at 11 (but took an hour to eat/burp!) so we didn't get into bed until midnight. By then I was so overtired that I couldn't fall asleep and heard every noise. Baby woke up at 3:15am and I tried to let him cry for a few mins then tried rocking him and walking him but finally gave in and gave him a bottle. After 2oz I went to burp him and he was screaming so bad that I laid him across my lap. He fell asleep that way but then spewed all over the floor- thankfully! Afterwards he fell back asleep and I got him back into bed and cleaned up. I don't think he needs that 3am bottle because this is 2nd time that he's puked half way through. When he goes longer at night he doesnt have that problem. (Oh and Dr said not to let him sleep longer than 5-6hrs because his blood sugar would get low because he's still too young? whatever if the kid is asleep I'M not waking him)He then slept til 6:30am. I fed him and pumped and tried to go back to sleep with him in our bed but he wouldn't cooperate. I gave up and got up with him and fed him and had some coffee and THEN he decides to sleep! UGH!

Where is Matt during all this you ask? Well he's in the field. He's been there since Tues and won't be back til next Fri. He goes on fuel runs sometimes and he stopped by once on Tues and once today but only for a few minutes and reeks too bad of gasoline to hold the baby. Other than fuel runs he doesn't do anything but chill in his bed watching Dexter on his laptop. Must be nice. He said to treat this like a practice for when he deploys (which is now March btw)- easy for him to say. He does nothing and I have the never ending screamer. I know these things aren't his fault but it's so hard not to feel resentful anyways.

Ok on to some good news. Thursday Roman turned six weeks old AND he rolled over!! I laid him in his crib for some tummy time while I got dressed and when I came back in he was on his back looking up at me like "Hey Mom- what's up?" I was so so excited I immediately called Matt (who was enjoying a nice nap lucky duck). I took him over to Jen's because she was keeping him while I went to my six week postpartum check up and we laid him on the floor but no luck. No luck today either. Must be his private thing. Of course this happens the ONE time I wasn't watching him on the video monitor!

So my check up went well. Everything is healed up. No babies for at least 6months but 12 is best. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA. Crazy Dr. I'm getting that IUD in as fast as I can! I even fell asleep in the waiting room and she thinks she has to warn me not to get pregnant right away.

Today has been rough rough. I just want to go home so bad where I could sleep in Wella's bed and I'd have aunt nikki, wella, kirsten, shana, grammy, etc to help with him. Or at my Nana's or Mary's house. Or in Houston where Roman has Aunt B, Nanna, and Yaya to take him. But no I'm here with no one but my poor friend Jen who gets stuck with us. She says she loves to help with him but it's not the same. I just want to be home.

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Colic Anyone?

I once read that it's easy to be a Mommy during the easy times but the test of a Mom is getting through those rough moments. That first illness or (in our case) the night that the baby won't stop screaming. Yesterday was that day. Roman was happy in the morning but come afternoon any time he wasn't sleeping or eating he was crying. The worst started at about 6pm after his bottle. He cried and cried. We changed him. We burped him. We offered paci. We tried the floor on his back and on his tummy. We tried his swing. Daddy bounced him on his chest. Mommy snuggled him close and tight to her chest. He would stop for a minute or two then start back up. Matt did get him to take short naps (5-10 mins)on his chest but he always woke up screaming. During all this I had gone to take a shower but when I got up I heard him screaming like he was in pain. We gave him Mylicon drops and he still cried while Matt first tried to burp him again and then bounced him on his chest. Another 10min nap later and it was Mommy's turn again. He acted like he wanted a paci but after one suck he would spit it out and cry. We fed him again at 9 and evn after burping he cried but didn't want more or the paci. He farted lots and finally gave us a good poop (2nd of the day) but even after changing him he still wailed. His little face was dark red, his knees were up to his chest, his fist were clinched as were his eyes, his forehead was wrinkled and he just cried. All of that plus the farting were every single symptom in my "what to expect the first year" book for colic. That's right- the dreaded "C" word. The thing every Mommy prays about while pregnat "Please please please let my baby be healthy and not have colic." He's had fussy evenings but last night was not normal. Finally I got him to sleep and rocked him. Then (and I debated and debated over this) we had to bathe him :-( He did great in his bath but once out the crying started back up. Let me mention that by 9:30 Mommy had joined in on the crying. I hate seeing my little in pain and there;s nothing I can do about it. Daddy's stress comes out in a meaner way- he gets frustrated and tends to yell. Then this causes Mommy to yell at Daddy for yelling at a baby. Then Mommy takes baby away from Daddy and cries more because she's frustrated with baby AND Daddy. Joys. Finally got him back asleep and back in bed by 10:45pm. Thank. You. Jesus. Matt and I didn't speak for the rest of the evening. Baby slept til 12:45am and I got up and fed him. Then he miraculously slept until 5:45am (I think all that crying exhausted him!) when Mommy shoved Daddy and said "Go. Feed. Baby." before rolling over and covering her ears. Not like it mattered who feeds him- I still can't sleep because I hear him crying (which causes leakage btw and is VERY annoying) while waiting for the bottle and being changed. Plus this time Roman spit up all over Matt (according to Matt it was all over his shoulder, down his chest, and all over his undies and a little bit on Roman) so Roman cried and cried while Matt wiped him all up. This was 6:15am. And my alarm went off at 6:30am. Nice. I took Roman while Matt cleaned up and we cuddled in bed where Roman just stared around our room and at his Mommy. A couple of snooze buttons later we got out of bed to start our morning. And that was my night. I am officially a Mommy.

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Roman One Month Update

Wow one month- can't believe it! Some parts of some days it's like sheesh hurry up and get bigger so we can play or smile or sit up or slow down on eating but mostly it's flown by. I still remember his birthday like it happened yesterday. I remember the first couple HORRIBLE days home perfectly. I don't know if it's because I wrote it all down and that helped but it's amazing.

So what's Roman up to now? Well for starters he's a lil porker! He now weighs 9lbs and is 23in long! Holy schmo! At two weeks old we started on bottles instead of breast (and I just pump so he's still "breast fed")and after just a couple of days he was eating 3oz. This past weekend he was acting so hungry after 3oz that I bumped him up to 4oz and he did fine on that for a few days but then stopped eating more than 3 so I bumped him back down. Now some feedings that's fine but some he acts hungry still- who knows?! Wish I did lol.

We added formula yesterday (Similac Advance) and the first feeding was so funny- wish I had taken a pic! He gave me this look with a wrinkled forehead, raised eyebrows, huge eyes and a quivery chin while he looked at me with a "Mommy what are you DOING to me??" but after a couple of small sips with faces in between he finally sucked it down. My baby is NOT picky- he'll eat anything, any temp, from any bottle! Hope he stays that way :-) Anywho he had one bottle yesterday AM and one last night and both did great. This AM he had another and again no problems.

Roman also has had a bit of a spit up problem. I thought we weren't burping him well but that wasn't it. Thought we were overfeeding him but defintely not it. A friend suggested it could be the bottle and then I started thinking that may be it. He uses two bottles- avent and playtex ventaire- and with the avent he coughs/chokes much more and drinks it waaaay faster than the playtex. I hadn't noticed a pattern with the spit up so we decided to take away the avent (since he chokes more with it) and see. However I only had 3 ventaire bottles and didnt want to be washing constantly so I went to buy more. But thinking about it I was worried that when he gets bigger and starts to hold his own bottle that he might hold it wrong and wouldn't be able to get the milk out so I started reading all the packages of bottles at our PX. Almost every bottle said it worked against spit up but Avent surprisingly! Anyways I bought a three pack of Dr. Brown's since soo many people and hospitals recommend it for gas and spit up. That was another funny moment giving him such a teeny nipple when he's been using the wide ones all along but again he had no problem with it. Two days with no Avent bottles and no spit up! Thank goodness- I was hoping it was a bottle problem and not that he was allergic to something in my milk!

Roman is SO strong now! He can hold his head up for a while which is amazing. He loves to look around and if you have him on your chest- standing or sitting- he pops that head up and looks all around. Now he's even smiling when he sees things! He is also doing it during Tummy Time (which I credit doing tummy time since day 1 to him being so strong!) Hopefully he gets his Daddy's athleticism and not Mommy's lack of!

Not all things are swell of course. Roman is definitely one of the "75% of babies who is fussy from 5-8pm." Stinks because it's right when Matt gets home and Mama wants a break but Roman cries more with Matt (I say it's because he can sense that matt is stressed out and can't stay calm when baby is crying but Matt says he's a Mama's boy.) I just grit my teeth and cuddle him but even when he's dozing and with a paci in his mouth he still whimpers in my arms. Yesterday though he slept through that time thankfully since Matt worked late!

We recently celebrated Roman's One Month Birthday (4 days ago to be exact)! To celebrate I made him a banana and chocolate bread "cake" complete with a 1 candle (which was actually a 4 candle we cut to be a 1 since the PX was out). I know it's silly and corny but Matt and I love celebrating the small stuff. I think it's part of being in the military that you learn to enjoy what you can when you can because you never know when Daddy is going to be sent away (and dare to say when he may not come back). I also have this irrational fear that something is going to happen to me and it'll just be Roman and Matt. Or even worse something will happen to Roman. Anyways whatever happens we have made wonderful memories and we have "proof" left behind for whomever!

We were hoping to get Roman's newborn pictures taken this month (late as usual I know) and we met a photographer on our marriage retreat however she is having lighting equipment issues and was going to call me when she resolved them (she was hoping it'd be a day or two) but no call yet :-( Tonight we're going to just do some nakey ones ourself. I hate that he's grown so much though (well no I don't but I hate that we didn't take pix when he was teeny - he's like a giant to us now!)

I hate that my blog doesn't have pictures and videos but it takes SO long to upload them on here! Anywho see everything on my facebook! :-)

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Golden Birthday

So I am 23 on the 23rd and I spent the day alone with my baby. Matt left for duty at 6am today and won't be home until 6am tomorrow. I was so bummed when I put duty together with my birthday (I forgot today was my birthday until Matt said something yesterday then gave me my present). Just another bummy thing about living in Germany- no family or friends for your birthday.

EXCEPT I did have family and friends. I had my Germany family- the Barretos who made me a brownie cake and spent time with me today- who are the best friends to have over here! I also had another important family member with me- my Romeo :-) SO even though today was rainy and gloomy and lonely at times it was the best it could be thanks to my wonderful husband (who gave me two sets of comfy pretty jammies and a new robe) and son and my wonderful friends/family the Barretos!

PS Roman gave Mommy presents too! He gave me spit up on my leg, pee in my hands, and poo in my lap! He's a cool kid. :-)

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My baby the Exorcist!

So Roman's latest trick is the projectile vomit. We've only had one or two tiny spit ups since he was born but starting last night he has began spewing! He covered himself in spit up while at our friend's house and had to be changed. Then Roman did the miraculous thing and slept most of the night! He went down at 11 and didn't get up again until 230 and then went down by 3 and slept til 730! Wonderful! :-) However at his 730 feeding he projectiled across my bed covering everything but himself. My arm, my pants, and my bed. Then when he was laying on my pillow while I pumped he spit up again covering my OTHER arm and my pillow. Oh and the best part? I washed the bedding just last night. Joy... Then we all snuggled in bed (we coverd the spit up parts in receiving blankets) until 1030 when it was time to eat again. Daddy's turn to feed and Roman didn't want Daddy to miss out on anything so he projectiled covering Daddy's arm, leg, and his side of the bed! Way to go kid.

Yesterday the baby was so much more alert and I loved it! between his 11am and 2pm feeding he stayed awake the whole time! Then after his 2pm feeding I laid him down in his crib and he napped until his 5pm feeding- bliss! So far our schedule is pretty on track for another great night of sleep so wish us luck :-)

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Our life with Roman so far...

Ok so my last post was depressing- I was bawling my eyes out while writing. Turns out I was not only exhausted but also sick. I started having the major chills after writing that and I had a 101 fever! I took tylenol and cried to Jen (Matt was out) about crying and my breast pain and the exhaustion. She wanted to take the baby for the night but I wasn't ready for that yet. Plus we hadn't done a bottle yet so wanted to have that settled before anything. Matt gave Roman his first bottle and he took 45mins to drink it (2oz)!!! I rechecked my temp and it had gone up to 102. Bah! I just sat in the chair in a daze and Matt had Roman. I didn't breast feed or pump just sat there. Rechecked temp (2hrs after first time and tylenol) and it was 103! Decided to go to the hospital so Roman went to Aunt Jen's. Dr at hospital checked my breast and my incision and neither was infected so she sent me home with fever meds. That night was MISERABLE! I kept having chills/sweats alternating. Matt tried to deal with baby all night but towards the end I just held him while I slept. I did sleep better though which helped the next morning. The next day I still had a 103 fever so I headed to our clinic on post where she referred me to go back to my OB at the hospital. My OB did an inner and outer ultrasound to check my uterus (the Dr at the clinic was worried I was still bleeding too much- especially clots) and a pelvic exam. My uterus isn't shrinking as fast as she'd like to see since it's larger and heart shaped and there's lots of blood clots inside so she gave me meds for that. She also checked my breast which she said was firmer than the right so she thinks it was or is starting to get infected. She sent me to the lactation consultant who had me pump so she could test the milk in that breast plus she wanted to see if I was making too much milk (I'm not). So bottom line they didn't know for sure why I had a fever but by Sunday (this was Friday) I was fever free. Today (Tuesday) I've been fever free for 24hrs! After the hospital on Friday we relaxed at home and I still fought with the fever/chills/sweats all day and napped while Matt was on baby duty alllll day long. Saturday I still had a low fever of 100-101 so we spent another day of just relaxing. That night someone was supposed to bring us dinner but didn't so we got Popeyes- BIG mistake. When Roman woke up for his 245 feeding I had to run to the bathroom while Matt made the bottle. Then HE had to run to the bathroom. Half way through the bottle I had to run back to the other bathroom and Roman just had to cry- HORRIBLE. After that agony and feeing him I still had to pump then he didn't want to sleep- NOT fun. We still made it up in the morning and got to church though. The new chaplain introduced Roman to everyone but Roman didn't care- he spent half the service kicked back on my legs and the other half snuggled on Jen's chest. After church Mommy and baby napped before our best friends came over for some bbq and movies and just good time. Roman of course stayed on his Aunt Jen the whole time but that left me free to play with my favorite toddler! We took out Roman's new toys we bought like his learning kitchen set and blocks and had a ball. That night was better sleep wise but for some reason I was even more tired so we spent the morning in bed watching movies on tv and dozing and then that afternoon we deep cleaned the house before Matt went back to work. Makes it easier for me to just stay on top of. Thank goodness I have a husband who doesn't mind helping me clean!

Today was my first day alone with Roman but not really. I had to get up and get both of us ready (including a shower for this stinky mommy) plus eat breakfast and such by 11pm. Roman went to the Dr for his well baby check up so Matt came home to pick us up (I'm still not supposed to carry the carseat and while I could have went alone it's nice to "milk" it with the army and have Matt along). We have a very healthy baby who weighs 7.72lbs and is now 22in long! We aren't sure the guy measuring did it very accurately but still he's growing!! The Dr also said she's liberal when it comes to frenulectomies (cutting the tongue tied thing) but she said he doesn't need it. She also hinted that I should start back up on the breast feeding rather than pumping but it's not her breasts so who cares what she says! Matt likes the bottles- I like the bottles and Roman doesn't care. Seriously! Nipple confusion? Ha! This kid likes two different binkies (MaM and Nuk) and has had 3 different bottles all with no problem. As for his milk he doesn't care if it's nice and frosty or warm and toasty just stick it in his mouth already! LOVE it!! Who wants a picky baby? Not moi! Anywho we spent the rest of the afternoon napping, feeding, pumping, and cuddling. He's been sleeping allllll day (But was up all morning) so I hope this isn't bad for tonight.

So what else is new with Roman? Well he smiles alot more now- and no it's not gas. I don't care what you say. He passes gas 24/7 no problems and without smiling. He responds to noise such as when we call his name from one ear or the other he turns his head to you. He's tracking with his eyes (he followed Matt it was too cute). He likes his swing but only in short spurts at a time. Still doesn't like bouncy too much (or the vibrations on his crib- so much for wasting money on that! Maybe when he's bigger...) He naps in his own crib with the curtains open, light on, and CD player going (trying to keep daytime different than nightime). The boy has explosive diapers constantly. Every time he eats he poops and last two days he's doing extras in between feedings as well! Can't wait for that to slow down... He's peed on me many times (I always catch it with my hand or a wipe but still annoying). As we speak he's on the floor on his tummy time mat passed out but still farting. Definitely our kid.

What's to come? Well Matt is so ready for him not to be in our room anymore. I'm half and half. Half of me loves having him right by me and the other half agrees and says we'd sleep better if he was in his own room and able to fuss himself to sleep. Right now I don't like for him to fuss too much since Matt has to get up and go to work. Plus I'm so tempted to put him in our bed every night just so he doesn't fuss and I get more sleep...I asked my PWOC president and wife of our chaplain who I love and trust and she has never had either of her boys in her room. She said from Day 1 they slept in their own cribs and they had a monitor but after 4 days of hearing all his little noises they turned it off. She said they just prayed over him every night that God would keep him safe in his sleep. I can do that- I already do in our own room! Plus my monitor can be muted but I can still see him...we shall see we shall see...never thought I'd be this way as a Mom! But that's a whole other post...

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Happy 2 weeks Roman!

My precious baby is now 2 weeks old. People ask if it's flying by...in the sense that I'm so tired I forget what day it is! I'm trying so so hard to enjoy and treasure this time but between his not sleeping at night and the pains of BF it's hard. My emotions had calmed down because we were doing better with BF (especially after having a lactation consultant come over) and the nights were bearable but last two days he hasn't been latching on- it's taking 10-30minutes each time! That's really hard at 2am especially when he's screaming and I'm exhausted. Then when he does latch on it hurts SO bad because he can't get that bottom lip out the way he's supposed to (Dr said he's slightly tongue tied)but it takes so long I let him hurt me just so he can eat and we can both sleep. Now my stomach literally aches every time I think about feeding him and suddenly my precious angel looks like a pirahna and I don't want him near my breasts. Then I feel so guilty and like the worst Mama. I hate this!

Last night I also started having shooting pains in my left breast and now all day it's been killing me (like the whole inner area is bruised) and so another lactation consultant said it's probably clogged. Great. Now it hurts to even hold my baby. What part of breast feeding is easy, convenient, or natural?!

Other than those pains and the sleeplessness he is an amazing baby. During the day he does his awake time and is so alert I love it! He does leg work outs with Dad (who can't stop kissing him) and I read to him constantly. He is so focused on the books already! He also loves going for drives and sleeps non stop in his carseat.

Currently Daddy is upstairs for his turn at calming the baby down. I laid him down for a nap at 4pm and he was happy to just lay there with his mobile for about 30 mins then he started wailing. After 10 mins of it I went up there and put in his paci and patted him and he calmed down but as soon as I leave it starts back up again. Another ten mins later I repeated. Same results. Ten mins later Daddy went up there and is trying the same thing. He "sleeps" for a few mins then just starts whimpering then works his way into a full tizzy. Baby Wise is a croc- doesn't take just 30 mins of crying for my little guy! And the most frustrating part is as soon as he gets to sleep it's going to be time to wake him up to feed him. :-( The vicious cycle...

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My beautiful baby is ONE WEEK!

Day 8 (ROMAN IS ONE WEEK!)

Another VERY VERY hard night. So bad Mommy had to just hand you to Daddy while she went to your nursery and rocked herself while she called Nana. She cried to Nana and Nana talked her down and prayed with her. I gave in and just held you in bed and tried my best to sleep (you slept awesome) for three hours. That helped me feel slightly rested but then you still wouldn’t sleep after the feeding for another almost two hours til your next feeding! Finally at 8am Daddy (who had slept while I was holding/feeding you) took you downstairs and rocked you and let you sleep in your swing for an hour and a half. Then when you woke up he rocked you again and watched Cars with you. Mommy slept wonderfully but RIGHT at your next feeding time I woke up.

After feeding you I laid you in your crib and let you watch your mobile. You only fussed some but it took you about 30 minutes to fall asleep then you slept for almost two hours! I want to put you in the crib tonight but our video monitor doesn’t work and I’m so terrified you’ll choke or stop breathing and I wouldn’t know it. Definitely investing in lots of high tech stuff now! I never thought I'd be like that with my own baby. Same with letting you "cry it out"- I've never had a problem with other babies crying it out but hearing you breaks my heart and makes me feel this guilt like I never knew exsisted.

Met with lactation consultant- Heidi Smith- who was wonderful. She helped show Mommy a better way to get you latch on so you didn’t hurt me as much and so you would swallow more. We are still practicing but we’ll get the hang of it! After she left Daddy went to change you upstairs and once again I heard more yells from him. I ran up the stairs and you had peed in your own face!!! He was so scared that you were blinded but we just wiped you down with wipes and got you changed up and you were happy as could be.

Went on another shopping trip today to look for a video monitor. No luck. We will find one ASAP though…in the meantime I was given lots of advice that we are going to try tonight. As I type you are laying on the couch sleeping so I’m hoping you’ll be slightly better tonight (a 2 hr stretch is all I’m asking for). It’s very hard to watch or listen to you cry and it makes me cry over and over but just looking at you makes me feel so amazing. You are so beautiful in every way. I love you more than I ever thought possible. We will get through this!

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Roman is 6 Days old!

Nursed 950-1005/1015-1030. Even after the awful night Mommy’s heart still swelled when she saw you awake and alert in the morning. I love you so much! After you finished nursing Daddy brought up some cereal for himself and coffee for Mommy and we all laid in bed and snuggled. We had you in your boppy and we just watched you watching us. I still say you’re better than ANY tv show or movie! Then we took you into your nursery for play time. First you laid on your back and watched your mobile then we switched you to your tummy to get a work out. Daddy talked to you and took pictures and told you to work on your push ups. After you had enough (over an hour and a half of awake time!) you snuggled on Mommy’s chest pretty much the entire afternoon. We did put you in your swing for the first time and you loved it. It knocked you out pretty fast. After dinner and your 7pm feeding Daddy gave you your first sponge bath. Mommy was in living room and all she heard was Daddy yelling “AH! AH! KEELEY! AH!” and when I ran in there you were peeing everywhere- shooting up like a yellow fountain! Daddy was backed as far away from you scared as could be!!  Mommy realized it would have probably been best if she did first bath to show Daddy how but oh well. I showed him how to wash you quickly and keep the water warm and thankfully you didn’t pee again. Afterwards Daddy took you upstairs to lotion you up and dress you then he laid you in your crib for another round of tummy time.

Later on we came back downstairs and you played in your bouncy with Daddy again and cuddled on him (since Mommy “hogged” you all afternoon). A beautiful day and it’s all because you’re in our life!

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